~ I Choose Suffering ~

For a while my, I've had it in my heart to right to you soon; but this has been especially relevant in the last three weeks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three weeks ago,  September 30 at around 6:30 AM, found me outside on my morning prayer walk. I was determined that I'd walk even though I could hardly make my legs move. They moved at turtle speed, or perhaps slower than that. A mixture of sharp and dull pain shot through my legs to my hips. I waddled worse than a goose. I was sure that I probably was a crazy sight to behold. But I didn't care. 

I was out for a walk with my Best Friend and I certainly needed some exercise, even if it ended up slower than a stroll. Nothing would deter me from my commitment. :) I was determined that the only thing that could stop me from going on my morning walks was if I were to end up bedridden. (I experienced that for a week last year with the same sickness.) 

I passed our car that was parked near our house and soon was on the driveway between two of our ponds. When I reached the other side of the ponds, my eyes caught ahold of some flowers that have from time-to-time cheered up my soul. I smiled big as their little yellow faces smiled back at me. They were brilliant, little sunbeams. 

These little blessings, though they be just flowers, reflected the face of God. I could clearly see His smile. I just knew it. He was smiling at me that very moment! I not only could see His smile, but I felt as though I were in His very presence. I knew He was there with me! It seemed as though I were in a different place--the atmosphere of heaven surrounded me. My heart was deeply touched. Emotion swelled in the very depths of my soul.

Oh, with what words could I use to describe the joy and peace that comes from knowing my Friend? I find it to be impossible to portray it in writing. This joy and peace can only be known when you abide in His presence and "taste and see that the Lord is" truly beyond "good."

His love never ceases to amaze me! How can He love me so much? "BEHOLD what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us...""God is LOVE." And "we love Him because He first loved us." It brings tears to my eyes every time I think of it. 

I had been very sick for over a week, but that experience that day strengthened my heart. My trust in God and my love for Him had increased even more. 

It was okay that I was suffering--and it still is that way today. I have known physical suffering for most of my life. Perhaps God will choose to heal me someday before Jesus comes back. A great joy that would be; but, the choice of healing or not healing me before than is up to Him. I trust Him with that. 

If suffering is what it takes to keep me close to the heart of God, than that is the only path I'll take. I wholeheartedly choose suffering. There is nothing more that I want than to be close to Him and to be ready to live with Him eternally.

I am constantly learning that with Jesus, there is great joy and peace even through suffering. I can still smile and sing--like smile big and sing with all my heart--because great is His faithfulness and love towards me, a sinner.

"The Lord is my Strength and Song,  

and is become my Salvation."

~ Psalm 118:14 ~

and because of this...

"Though he slay me, yet," through His strength, 

"will I trust in Him..."

~ Job 13:15 ~